All I want is you

 Despite this darkness, your light made me live.

That light made me want to survive,

Made me feel alive more than anything.

How do I thank you for making me feel something?

Despite the oceans, despite the seas,

That were filled with nothing but darkness,

How did you find the light in all that despair and sadness?

Where have you been all this while?

Why did you leave so early,

When you made me feel alive?

Why did you not stay in my life?

How can I live a life incomplete,

When all I want is you, my love?

Fate written otherwise

 Oh to be in love

                              

To randomly think of him and smile  

Seeing the shirts that will suit him best in a store

To think he's with me in everything I do

To dream he's hugging me to sleep

To think he's here with me and saying to me 

"Everything is gonna end well"

I know this won't happen in the near future 

But I want it to  

I find his footprints next to me on the beach

I would lose it all to make him fall in love with me

When I hear the waves, I remember him

I remember the last time I laughed with my full heart 

It torments me, his absence..............

TO HIM....

 It’s all the same, isn't it  

different font different appearance 

it always came back to one thing 

I am trying to move on love

it’s not easy for me 

to be loved by you 

To live in your memories the warmth that you gave.

Now I am so cold, there is no warmth on the cold nights

th warmth only you can give me 

am forever lost in pain and anguish 

waiting for the season where we’re going find each other 

I know there is no coming back 

but my heart wants to hear that 

Whenever I hear a notification sound on my phone

I rush to pick it up just to realise it’s not yours and it never will be 

I manage to think about you every day even when I don’t want to

maybe living in a faraway country doesn’t make this easy love

it just makes things worse

when am I gonna be loved exactly like the way you did

you were all that I needed in my life

but just like it, every good thing in my life has an expiry 

the same way how you decided to step out of my life.....................

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FEELING BLUE

On a fine day, life feels exhausting 

the energy to live 

the energy to love are all fact leaving me 

it feels so hard just to be myself

I feel like I haven’t been myself lately

it feels like this year I changed into a different person

people who knew me before would relate to me better

I became approachable 

I became confident 

became happy 

still, there’s this void in me that torments me 

till today

those days when I was trapped helpless

I overcame those 

still some unwanted memories 

haunt me

this year made me understand a lot more than what I see

A shoulder to lean on to cry is all that I crave 

but it is so hard to depend on someone

scared of what he would think

scared of thinking 

am I too much

scared that he’ll leave me if I show my vulnerability

mentally I want to be easier 

but it’s so hard to trust to love 

to be vulnerable

all I ever heard from my past acquaintances 

those words torment me today 

how much he said I am the problem

Sometimes in love we are too blind to notice

the red flags of our love

when people who see it warn us 

we often doesn’t mind them 

we try to push them away for love

we never know what awaits us 

whom to trust who not to

we are blind and dumb in love

we often see the best in our patners than their flaws

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I was never the one that everyone choose

I was the one they chose first 

but still, proceed to go with the next

there’s always someone that they choose over me

someone who they are gonna treat well

someone they’ll change all their morals for

never in my life can I love a man so much as him 

but in return, he gave me fear 

of abandonment,

expressing myself became tough for me

 

The best franquil memories of us 

The smell of your shirt

The nights we had together 

The moment we owe each other to get back again and again 

I never regret loving you 

Cause you loved me like no one else 

U presented me the best memories of us for me to grieve on  

Losing myself while loving him

Babe am standing at the doorstep of your heart.

For the moment you let me in

Without seeking answers to "Is she the one or"

While looking out for yourself, in the past hurt

You are hurting me 

Every word you say 

wounds deep in my heart

The wounds are live and the hurt still remains

After you find all your answers maybe then you will realize

just like how everyone did 

after going from my life

hitting a certain point in life they realize 

damn that girl actually loved me

By that time it'll be so late 

and she might not be 

the same person you loved before

I am that 'in-between'' person

the one you think is the one for you

but you'll choose another person over me

it always happened and it will continue 

I always end up ruining myself in all that hurt 

I end up killing myself while healing people

I healed a lot of people and they 

mentally ruin me ...

                                                                                                                               01/03/2024

HE;him

I remember on a rainy day am just staring at the window while laying on your lap 

I realized I am falling for you

I even know the way your eyelashes move, I love staring at you since the day you paced yourself in my heart 

I felt like am the luckiest girl in the world cause I got you, I am laying in your lap and thinking all these while staring at you 

You ask me what am I thinking 

I said am grateful you are mine

You kissed me hearing those words.....

SHE;HER

 

Perfectly imperfect

Loving the perfect guy isn't really a thing 

A person can slide into your life 

And all the things that you shamed on yourself and he changes it and sees the best in you 

Thats what is my definition for love

People only opt for your imperfections cause that what everyone cares right?

The face the looks the body

Has anyone fallen in love with just who you are?

lost in visions

I lost myself in the darkest days 

I lost myself in the woods

In that pit dark where no one can see me 

I left me and my soul there 

I screamed but nothing helped

I screamed and screamed until I am exhausted and I stopped 

I stopped where I was, I lost hope

The hope that brought me this far faded away,

Then I believed maybe I should just be here lost in the woods in the darkness,

I was scared and I still am but nothing is more than a battle with animals in my head 

They haunt me torture me scare me

I had visions of myself in a very bewildering state, where I was lost to the devils

When I think of commencing a new life 

Vast darkness and the past torments me

The darkness anguishes me 

The darkness compels me to think of the conflicts that I am still enduring because of the remembrances 

The best moments became my worst suffering, the suffering that disturbs me that doesn't make me myself.

It makes me another person from a whole another world.

In this life, I came across everything.

The unexpected people who came into my life, the affection they gave me, and the beautiful memories they left for me to grieve on, now nothing is left other than me in the dark present

I heard that lonely people are lonely

Even when they are in a relationship

That's not true 

A person will come into your life 

And make your every day worth living

And they give all the warmth that you have never experienced from anyone in your life 

And they will leave you one fine day...

That's it

darkness

The void space in my mind 

Is filled with emotions that are extinct

Enjoyment, love those feelings are nothing but just irrelevant phrases to me,

I lost the purpose of those phrases from my life, the void space in my mind is filled with suffering, misery, pain, anger and so on. The darkness around me accompanied me all these years and they are responsible for my existence. Maybe they are accountable for what I am now through all the darkness striving to see the fragile inch of light inside me. They made me feel powerful than ever and able to overcome anything that will clench me up in future

The four corners of my compartment

resounds my inner self 

My profoundness

My loneliness, my battles 

Enduring with life, when I am enclosed by nothing but darkness

This is where I am being myself and 

Not putting on an act

books

My books give meaning to my life, my happiness is in those pages which chaperone me throughout my life by giving me lessons for life. No, even a person would have impacted me so much as these books and I am in love with them

MY LIGHT

The moment you left me years before,

I was living my life as in hell 

The moments of us together

The love we shared 

Everything vanished as memories.

Then you came back after years,

My life blossomed once again

Flowers regrew on the drought land

The vanished memories of us came back all of a sudden 

My life was happy again

But I couldn't love you because

I was scared will you leave in darkness as you left me years ago,

You were the light to my life and the light was gone at the moment you left me,

I am used to living in darkness than expecting light would always be with me.